i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize