Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
