I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
