Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
