Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
