should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
