Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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