Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
