she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Semen is not good for contacts.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
