I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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