Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
