Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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