I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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