I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
