loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she smelled like a LAN party
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
