it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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