I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
