Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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