i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Randomize
