??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
