If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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