Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My liver just broke up with me...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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