What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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