she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
bring money and cleavage
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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