Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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