Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
