Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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