well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize