its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
