Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
