i just had sex bonerless
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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