Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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