ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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