My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
