my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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