We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this just has baby written all over it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize