I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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