Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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