Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
