You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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