I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
