their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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