kristin has been a bad kristin
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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