I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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