Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
