Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We are two peas in an std pod
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
