I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
