Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
