dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
