Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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