Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
