Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
