i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
