you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
