Umm I'm too high to move.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
where are my eyebrows?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
