first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
