Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
