Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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