If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize