i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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