I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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