He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
