No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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