i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
