I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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