hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
