I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
