OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
