I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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