Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
