He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
