my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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