clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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