She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
