either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
