She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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