I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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