remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
