Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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