i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
