yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
