i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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