Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
