At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
