NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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